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Divorce Recovery Tips: Part 4

Venn Crawford, non-attorney Marketing Assistant

Tip #16 – Take yourself on a date and learn to love your own company.

Dates are a way of spending quality time with the person you love, which reinforces your bond with that person. When we go on a date with someone, we learn new things about them, create shared memories, and cultivate our love for one another. Why shouldn’t we do the same with ourselves?

Going on a date with yourself is a solitary activity – it gives you time to be who you are on your own, to pursue your interests, and to get back in touch with your innermost thoughts and desires. You might be picturing yourself alone at a candlelit table, but it doesn’t need to be anything that cheesy. Try going to an art museum, taking a scenic hike, or watching the sunset. Any activity is fine, so long as it leaves room for contemplation – put your phone away just like you would on any other date!

 

Tip #17 – Give yourself a compliment while looking in the mirror each morning.It’s easy for us to worry, obsess over flaws, or talk ourselves down – most of us do at least one of these every day. But how often do we compliment ourselves? Not often usually. We may see it as narcissistic or strange to frequently praise ourselves, but we shouldn’t.

Start your morning with a compliment, and continue to praise yourself for each of your accomplishments throughout the day. End your day by recognizing the things that you’re proud of for that day. You owe it to yourself to be your own biggest cheerleader – no one else can ever be there for you as much as you can be there for yourself.

 

Tip #18 – If you feel stuck, shake things up.Divorce is a huge life change, that much is obvious. And when we meet these changes, some of us desperately try to keep our life the same. We don’t want to move forward; we just want to go back to what we had. But while it’s normal to feel that way, it doesn’t help us.

Embracing change is an important part of moving forward and being able to adapt to new situations. The human psyche is incredibly elastic – you can and will bounce back. It’s hard for us to believe this sometimes though, and fighting to keep everything the same will just make the one change you can’t avoid (the divorce) seem even more insurmountable. Instead, take control of the changes happening in your life by making some of your own.

 

Tip #19 – Work on your relationship with yourself to keep it healthy.We’ve talked about being your own biggest supporter and going on dates with yourself, and both of these things come together in this divorce recovery tip. To be fair though, this is less of a divorce recovery tip and more of an all-purpose life tip.

We go to great lengths to connect with other people – as humans, we often find meaning in this life through our shared experiences. The support, love, and commiseration we share with those close to us greatly enrich our lives. When we are suffering, our loved ones provide us with advice, reassure us that things will be ok, and refute the self-doubts and self-criticisms that we voice. Our loved ones forgive us when we won’t forgive ourselves. But we should forgive and reassure ourselves, too. We should treat ourselves the same way we treat those we love – but often, we don’t.

 

Tip #20 – Mute negative social media users and don’t compare your life to the fake ones onscreen.We all choose to portray ourselves a certain way. We carefully select which pictures and stories make it to our social media, and (more importantly), which don’t. Our social media pages show the highlights of our lives – they are the cropped, edited, and retouched advertisement for what’s really a very messy life of ups and downs.

When you see others on social media, remember this. Monitor your emotional responses to the content you consume. And, if you notice that seeing a certain person’s posts consistently worsens your mood, mute or remove them.

 

 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

 


by Venn Crawford, Marketing Assistant