We started our divorce recovery tip series to provide advice in an easily-digestible format, but sometimes we can’t say everything we want to in one image. This blog series will expand on our tips and provide some extra insight into the divorce recovery process.
Tip #1 – Take time each week to pamper yourself.After divorce, we don’t often feel great about ourselves. We may wonder why it happened, what we did wrong, or what’s wrong with us. And while we may know that there’s nothing wrong with us, knowing that doesn’t always make us feel better.
We can’t stop divorce from affecting us emotionally, but we can do our best to care for ourselves afterward. In the months and years after divorce, make an effort to always treat yourself with love and care. A great way to do this is to pamper yourself – take a long bubble bath, treat yourself to a salon visit, or try out a fancier soap than usual. When you treat yourself well, you then have a standard you can hold everyone else to, and you’ll notice when someone doesn’t treat you as well as they should. Plus, making yourself look and feel good will boost your self-confidence and improve your self-image.
Tip #2 – Don’t be afraid to express what you feel.
There’s a lot of emotions that swirl around during and after divorce – grief, anger, resentment, jealousy, insecurity, fear. You may feel all of them or only a few, but any combination of these can be overwhelming. However, as unpleasant as they are, these emotions are natural and necessary. In order to process the life-changing event of divorce, we have to allow ourselves to feel these unpleasant emotions and we need to confront them.
You may struggle with emotions about the divorce long after you think you should have “gotten over it.” The thing is, though, if you’re still feeling those emotions, you’re still processing and working through things – and that’s ok! Don’t feel that you need to hide how you feel or not allow yourself to mourn. In order to move past things, we have to feel.
Tip #3 – Choose to see your flaws as opportunities for self-growth.We all know a negative Nancy – that one person that always has something wrong, but seems to want to complain more than they want to fix it. After dealing with those kinds of people for a while, I just finally decided that instead of sympathizing and coddling them, I’d give them some no-nonsense advice: accept it or change it.
This can seem like a harsh statement when someone is voicing their insecurities, but in truth, these are the only two productive options. When we are bothered by one of our flaws, complaining about it just makes us feel worse. We’re just focusing more and more attention on the problem and making it bigger in our minds. So, whenever you find yourself worrying over a flaw or shortcoming, you have a choice to make. You can accept that it’s part of who you are, and maybe even embrace it. Or, you can choose to work on your flaw and improve yourself. Either choice can be a path to peace. Just don’t let self-pity be an option.
Tip #4 – Find opportunities to learn and explore.After any disruptive life change, we can often end up feeling “stuck.” This wasn’t what we planned for our life, and we start to doubt ourselves. We’re thrust back into the world of being single, and oftentimes our self-confidence and sense of independence take a hit.
Now is the time to focus on yourself so that you can grow as a person. Expanding your world with new knowledge and ideas is a positive way to boost your sense of independence and rebuild your self-confidence. Choose to come out of this divorce as a new and better you.
Tip #5 – Grief is normal, and it will pass.Everybody grieves after divorce. Even if we initiated the divorce, we’ll still grieve the comfort of a relationship, the companionship, and the sense of belonging. At times, it can feel like the sorrow and loss are your new normal. You may not feel like things will get better, or that you’ll be able to move on. But the thing is, our grief is normal. The bigger the loss, the longer we need to grieve, and divorce is just below death on the scale of loss.
So when you’re struggling with your grief, remember that it’s normal, and eventually, it will fade. Keep looking forward – you’ll get there.
by Venn Crawford, Marketing Assistant