Articles Posted in ClientVille

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Mark Griffin
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Too often here at Woodruff Family Law Group, we encounter families who are splitting up, often in the aftermath of a breakdown in communication. Once a family is no longer able to effectively communicate with one another, it is just a matter of time before even simple matters must be adjudicated with the help of our legal team.

According to an article in The Huffington Post, lack of communication is the number one reason couples split up. Communication in dysfunctional families frequently involves lots of screaming,verbal threats, and all too often, physical violence.

When communication breaks down with the ones we need to communicate with the most, the frustration becomes overwhelming as we desperately seek to be heard and understood.  Ironically, the more we try to make ourselves understood, the less likely it is that our message is being absorbed by our intended target. When it becomes obvious that our calm and rational words are not enough, we escalate to louder tones. The communication we receive in response tends to rise to meet or exceed our level of agitation. Soon, we are screaming at each other in a blind rage. Ironically, the deeper our love is for one another may actually raise the intensity level of the arguments.

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Carolyn Woodruff
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Dear Carolyn,

I reluctantly entered into a consent child custody order with the mother of my child in 2013. We were never married and never actually lived together. The child is now five having been born in 2011. I get visitation under the 2013 order, but the court never heard any evidence in 2013. We simply agreed. Now, I am very concerned this mother is unfit. She continues to smoke around the child who has asthma. She also has been charged with drug possession in both 2012 and recently. She will not let me have a relationship with my kid. She threatens to move out of state. There are things I need to tell the court about from the child’s birth until 2013 (date of current custody order), but my attorney says I cannot use the 2011 to 2013 evidence in my motion to modify custody. I want primary custody with the mother having supervised visitation. Is there any way I can present the proof of what this mother was like from 2011 to 2013? I think the mother of my child is unfit. What can I do?

– Worried about unfit mother

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Carolyn Woodruff
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Dear Carolyn,

I have received spousal alimony since a 2003 court order until death. I would like to get an increase because of the economy. My ex-spouse receives three times my social security and retirement. His home is paid for and he owes three motor vehicles. His social security and retirement from a big local company is great. I received zero from this after 38 years of marriage. He was in Management. What are my chances of getting an increase?

Carolyn Answers:

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Carolyn Woodruff
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Dear Carolyn,

I am the father of two children, ages 10 and 12.  The mother of the children lives in West Virginia, where she moved after our divorce. The children were born and always have lived in North Carolina. The North Carolina order for custody allows the children to travel to West Virginia for 5 weeks in the summer. Last year the mother did not return the children when she was supposed to at the end of the summer, and the court here held mother in contempt. She filed for custody in West Virginia last summer claiming fictitious abuse of one child, but that case in West Virginia was dismissed. Then, I got them back. I heard that this might be kidnapping under some federal law. Can you explain kidnapping and whether I have any right with regard to kidnapping if this happens this summer?

– Frustrated and Looking for Options

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Carolyn Woodruff
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Dear Carolyn,

I am a grandmother, and I want to help pay for the tuition for my grandchild’s day care and education at a nice day care facility.  Then, my daughter and son-in-law can work without worry.  They own their own business, and they both need to focus some quality time on the business, while maintaining my grandson as top priority.  My toddler grandson will benefit from the education and interaction with the other children at this particular day care, but it is darn expensive.  Should I give the money directly to my daughter or to the day care?  Is there a tax advantage one way or another?

           – Grandmother of the best grandchild ever…

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Dear Carolyn,

I am a father of a beautiful 8-year-old daughter and a handsome 10-year-old son.  I live here, but the mother lives in California.  The mother has custody, but the children will be visiting with me for the last two weeks of July and the first two weeks of August. While I don’t have much time given the distance between the mother’s house and mine, I really want to make the time count that I do have.  I can take two of the weeks off from work, but I have to work two of the weeks.  What suggestions do you have?

– Dedicated Dad

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Dear Carolyn:

My ex and I share the children fifty-fifty.  We have three children.  I make approximately $25,000 more than the other parent.  I pay child support even though I have them half the time.  Our child support order says nothing about who gets the dependency exemptions, and I get in a fight with my ex every year over the dependency exemptions.  Who should get the three dependency exemptions?

Carolyn Answers….

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Dear Carolyn,

I work and make a good income.  During our marriage, my wife worked for a while, but stopped when we had children.  She has and maintains a CPA license.  We have a 15-year-old with some discipline problems and ADHD.  We are divorcing, and I think she should go back to work.  She wants alimony.  Who is right?  Does she need to work, or can she just continue to be a leech?

– Anti-Leech

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Dear Carolyn,

I have a cousin, Bernie, who lives in another North Carolina city. She is mid-30s, professionally employed and has two school-aged sons who are involved in numerous sports, school and community activities. My cousin spends the majority of her free time working with and for her kids.

Her problem is her husband, who was obtained through an unanticipated pregnancy. He is very under-employed and is a slob who spend his free time on the couch or in bed and does just about nothing to help around the house or with the kids. Worse, he had never contributed a dime toward their (nice) house, including the mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities or other expenses. She has paid for it all and the mortgage is in her name as he had/has no credit. He is emotionally abusive to my cousin and had a recent, well-documented affair.

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Dear Carolyn,

I have a two year old daughter and the mother and I are facing a custody trial. The mother, in my opinion, has some mental disorders and has been treated for long-term depression. The mother breast fed, and mother and daughter are close.  I feel, however, that I am the better custodial parent.  Will the daughter’s age and sex keep me from being a custodial parent until she is older? Will the court listen to me, or am I just out of luck until my daughter is older?

– Dad

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