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TWELVE PEOPLE WHO ARE EXPONENTIALLY MORE ANNOYING WHEN YOU ARE GETTING DIVORCED: Part 2

Divorce is a significant life-changing event. If you’re going through this process, you may feel like you’re walking around Greensboro on a tight-rope with no net. Anything could set off your powder keg of emotions. As you try to get a handle on life, here’s four more people that might make you lose your grip.

#5: Your Personal Trainer. You joined the gym as part of the “whole new you” attitude you held for the first 45 seconds after your Divorce papers were filed. By the time you came to your senses, it was too late – you already entered into a non-refundable membership. Now you’re stuck in ZumbaSpin, and Aqua Pilates taught by perky twenty-somethings so skinny they’d have to get haircuts to lose weight. I doubt Ambyr understands that is as high as your knee goes —after all, she’s basically Gumby. Her bouncy demeanor and overly enthusiastic cheers of encouragement are completely unmotivating. Staring at her for 45 minutes, three times a week, only serves to destroy your self-esteem. You’d have a more productive workout slamming her head into the floor. Now do ten reps.

#6: Your Kid’s Teacher, who is now worried about your child’s “situation.” Six weeks ago, you weren’t sure Mr. So-and-So knew your kid’s name much less their “situation.” Now he’s the epitome of compassion and consideration. As a result, you’re sitting in an awkwardly tiny desk listening to Mr. Just-Out-of-College discuss Johnny’s behavior changes and lack of engagement. You wonder how this teacher found out about the “situation” in the first place and if he’s qualified to diagnose your 8-year-old’s stupendous spit-ball skills as “acting out.” At any rate, Johnny’s been referred to the school counselor. If there’s one subject you’d make an “A” in, it’s failing. First, you flunked marriage, and now you’re failing parenting too. Thanks for your concern Mr. Stick-To-Teaching-Math; you’re a huge help.

#7: The Domino’s Delivery Guy: You’ve had so many pizzas delivered the past few months that the Pizza Tracker seems like your screen saver. In your defense, you’ve had a lot going on – in addition to new obligations like appointments with your lawyer, you still have all the responsibilities you had before only now you have to fulfill them by yourself. Ok, you’ve had a lot of breadsticks lately. So what if you don’t feel like cooking – which also entails cleaning up afterward. You’re stressed out and just plain tired. The last thing you need is knowing smirks from a judgmental delivery kid. When Darius leaves the store with your order, he knows perfectly well you want extra sauce with your pepperoni and God help him if he shows up with anything less. The smallest thing seems monumentally more significant under the weight on your shoulders, and he has no clue what an emotional timebomb you are — until you have an epic meltdown over missing Kicker Sauce because it’s literally that important to you.

#8: That Guy on the Road: You know the one. They’re the guy tailgating you, the teenager cutting you off, the girl with no turn signals. They’re every driver on the road except for you. Always in a hurry, they seem to think their agenda is more important than everyone else’s. And how dare you not notice? They obviously have somewhere to be and you’re in the way. They speed around town running red lights, stealing your right-of-way, and not getting pulled. Protected by anonymity, they are inconsiderate, self-absorbed, above the rules, and you just want to run right over their stupid stick figure family. I didn’t mean that to be a metaphor. It just turned out that way.