Mother’s Day is supposed to be a time of celebration and connection when we honor the women who brought us into this world and raised us. But for mothers in the midst of a custody dispute, enjoying the holiday can be much more complicated both emotionally and logistically. Whether you’re navigating a new custody arrangement or involved in ongoing litigation, there are still ways to make the holiday special and avoid adding undue emotional stress.
Here are a few helpful tips for celebrating Mother’s Day while managing a custody dispute:
1. Review Your Custody Agreement
It’s important to determine whether or not your agreement allows you to spend Mother’s Day with your children, even if it’s not normally a time you have them. It’s common for custody agreements to have special provisions for certain holidays, and Mother’s Day is often designated as parenting time with the mother (as Father’s Day can be with the father). Check your agreement to see what’s allowed and communicate with your attorney to clarify your rights.
2. Communicate Ahead of Time
Co-parenting during a custody dispute can be complicated, but clear, early, and respectful communication is the best thing you can do to avoid conflict. Reach out early to discuss Mother’s Day plans and arrange pickup/dropoff times. If your arrangement doesn’t currently allocate Mother’s Day to you, consider offering Father’s Day to your ex-spouse in exchange for spending Mother’s Day with the kids. If you and your former spouse are both women, consider splitting time with the kids on Mother’s Day or allocating the day before/after to the other parent.
3. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
Custody disputes already put a lot of pressure on children, and the desire to make Mother’s Day meaningful can add to that stress. Instead of fighting for large quantities of time, focus on the quality of the day. Try to make meaningful connections with your kids and do activities you know you will both enjoy. If your children are old enough, they will no doubt want to make you feel special on the day, but if they’re younger, you can make the planning process something you do together. Whether you plan to cook breakfast at home, go for a nice walk in the park, or take a trip to the museum, prioritize meaningful connections with your kids and be flexible if things don’t go as planned.
4. Make New Traditions
Many things change during a custody dispute, especially holidays. You may be missing old traditions from when you were still married, but as life changes, you can always make new traditions with your kids. Remember to involve them in the planning process, and try to come up with a new normal that they can enjoy as much as you. Not only will a new ritual help them adjust to the changing family structure, but it will also help you solidify your new independent bond with them.
Mother’s Day can bring up a lot of emotions for single mothers going through a custody battle, but at the end of the day, all that’s important is having a moment of connection and shared love with your children. Whatever you choose to do, whether it’s on the day itself or not, you’ll be making memories that will last a lifetime.